Caleb's Story

I really wish I would have created a journal when I was pregnant with Caleb, but I can at least start one with his experiences- and his birthing experience is one to remember. In fact, I probably wouldn't need a blog to remember what happened at the hospital I have vowed to never go to again.
On September 30, I went in for my weekly doctor's check-up to see how much I was dialated. I was about 3 or 4 centimeters, getting close! I asked if I could get my membranes stripped, which she agreed to doing since I was dialated enough. That evening after work, I started getting cramps and tightness. Nothing really was painful but I knew I was in early labor that evening. Around 3 AM (funny how it always happens in the middle of the night- huh?) I could feel the tightness again. I really wasn't in pain, so we decided to go to the Waffle house to get something to eat. Hey, I knew I would have nothing but ice chips til my little guy got here- and it was the only thing open at 3 AM.

We got to the hospital, called my parents, sister, brother, etc...and most everyone rushed up to the hospital. They confirmed I was indeed in labor and I wouldn't be going home without a baby. I was dilating beautifully but I wasn't having as many contractions as they would like- so out came the Pitocin! They broke my water a couple hours later and recommended me getting an epidural if I wanted one- which of course I did.

The gentleman who did my epidural was amazing. He told me exactly what he was doing, how to sit, what I would be feeling- he did a really good job. And the epidural made my already pain free labor become a breeze! Although, me not being able to feel a thing prolonged the labor in my opinion. My sister told me to keep hitting the epidural button every half hour and I wasn't able to feel an preassure like I'm supposed to feel. The nurse would ask if I felt any preassure- Uh no, I feel NOTHING.

Finally, after 12 hours of labor they told me to try pushing. That's all I had to do, the baby dropped on down and it was baby time. I pushed for 16 minutes, and Caleb Michael was born at 4:46 PM on October 1st, 2010. He was 20 inches long and weighed 7lbs 8 oz. His cone head was pretty scary when he first came out, but I didn't care- he was my precious baby and it was instant love!

Now, where the horror began. The birth itself was wonderful- I couldn't ask for a better birthing experience. My dad video taped, My sister was on one side, My husband on the other, my mom took pictures, and we can't froget my brother's wife sitting uncomfortablly in the corner. When I was holding Caleb, the nurse said his breathing wasn't what she would have liked it to be- she said he was "singing" and wanted to put him in the NICU for just observation. Of course, I wanted my baby to be okay and was a little worried. The nurses and doctor were concerned with me and wanted to make sure I could walk after my epidural wore off. All I wanted was for people to leave me alone, so I could see my little guy.

Once I got into my room and they gave me a course in breastfeeding, they told me I could finally see Caleb. He was in the nursery, and was so precious. They wouldn't let me breast feed him because he was still breathing funny and they said giving him a full belly could make it harder for him to breathe. The doctor finally came to my room that night and said he took an X-ray of his lungs and said there was gunk in there and wanted to put him on antibiotics. They still didn't want him to eat, but had him on an IV with antibiotics and fluids. They hoped by that Monday, he would be able to go home.

It was so hard to not having my baby in the room with me. And not to mention having to use a breast pump constantly to get my milk to come in. I felt robbed from the breast feeding experience and just having him with me when I got visitors. When I was discharged they let us stay in the room while Caleb was still in the NICU. By Monday, his breathing was better and the gunk in his lungs were disapeering, but since they wouldn't let me feed and only fed him with a feeding tube- he became jaundiced and yellow. They decided that his breathing was improved enough but they wanted to make sure his jaundice was managed, which meant checking his biliruben all the time.

This was the part that seemed horrible. I hated going to the Nicu having to ask someone to let me in (My baby is in there!), I hated being away from him night after night. They started feeding him formula when his breathing was better, and I did not like that. I wanted to breastfeed, and he was using to taking a bottle and wanted nothing to do with me when I tried to feed. It was a torturous experience trying to get him to breast feed- he would just wail and wail, not understanding what I was doing to him. He finally fed better with a nipple shield, but even that was a hard task.

We did research on what his biliruben was supposed to be, and they were right- it was high...but apparently you can give them a Bili-light at home and treat it there. And it wasn't nearly high enough to be concerned. If they had let me feed him sooner, it most likely could have been avoided. I didn't know why they were holding my baby hostage, I had the baby blues anyway, I felt like they were standing over my shoulder when I was holding himit was just a nightmare. He didn't belong there, he wasn't even sick!

My mom was absolutely wonderful. She would drive the hour round trip drive to the hospital every day to be with me, and offered such good moral support. We had a nurse come in and say "You know, we rarely see a stable married couple have a baby in this hospital". That right there sent up a red flag. Can you say, cha-ching? I'm sure they knew we had insurance and were milking us and the insurance company as much as they could. Again, jaundice is common in infants and I was fine with bringing him back to see how his levels are.

He finally went home at 4 days old, and we were lucky to get him home that soon. Mom and I went to the Nicu to see him and the doctor said "We'll see about sending him home tomorrow- his IV is out and he seems to be doing great." My mom put her foot down for me and said "How about TODAY?" It took some convincing, but the doctor said "Ok, if he has 3 solid good feedings, we'll send him home". Since when does the hospital have conditions with when you can take your baby home? If I was concerned, I could always bring him back. It was such a bizarre situation.

If you ever had a jaundiced baby, you'll know they are SLEEPY. He would fall asleep constantly during feedings. I would go in and feed him, and of course I had to work hard on keeping him awake during the whole feeding. Well, one time during their "feeding test" to make sure he was eating well, he fell alsleep and I mistakenly thought he was done. Well, he was hungry again soon after I left and they said that feeding didn't count. WHAT? Who died and made YOU God? After he got his first pictures done, I put him in the car seat and the nurse said "No no, we have to wait for another feeding and then you can take him home." She flat out wouldn't let me take him home. I freaked the hell out- I ran out crying, Dave ended up getting my mom to help and she raised hell to the nurses at the nurse's station- next thing I knew, we got the okay to take him home. Not without the nurse that told me I couldn't take him home, give me a lecture about his jaundice.

It was such a horrifying experience. It was terrible leaving him in that hospital, going back and forth from the hospital to home to get clothes, Dave sleeping on the uncomfortable couch, dealing with rude nurses- it was such a sigh of relief when he was finally HOME. Of course the next couple of days consisted of putting him on a bili-light, which he had to stay on except to feed, and getting his poor little heel pricked.

His biliruben went up really high at one point, but drastically went down- I was determined to breastfeed him and he pretty much got used to the nipple shield. It was a pain in the butt having to find it, make sure it was clean, and feed him. Sleeping through the night the first night was not a fun experience. He would NOT sleep on his back to save his life...he finally adjusted to sleeping in his car seat for the first couple of weeks, which allowed us to get some sleep.

I was glad when he got his once over when he was 2 weeks old, and I was told he didn't have to come in til he was 2 months old (Thank god!). My 6 week maternity leave went by very quickly. And his growth from then to now is purely amazing. He smiled and giggled for the first time at 5 days old, he slept for 6 straight hours at 17 days old- he was such a sweet little baby. It was worth the painful experience at the hospital- and by painful, I mean emotional.

I remember the first and pretty much the last post-pardum depressed episode I had; MY nephew's birthday party went on at Mom and Dad's house when Caleb was a week old. I had lost his shoe and couldn't find it for anything. I freaked out...I had everyone looking for it, heck Dave was even on his hands and knees with a flashlight in their back yard trying to find it to calm my ass down. I don't even think it was about the shoe. It was everything coming to a head: I was still worried about Caleb's jaundice, Dave's parents were driving in from New York and visiting for a week, I was still recovering from the hospital ecperience and I wasn't getting very much sleep. It was certainly a rough start!

Caleb has been staying with a wonderful caregiver during the day, Pamela. It was and still is hard going back to work, but it's reassuring to know he is with such a caring woman that loves him to pieces. Being a first time mother, it's hard. She has been my guide on what is too much to feed, not enough, how much spit up is not normal, constipation...all that fun stuff. I'm the type of person that hates bothering my parents for things. I like for them to think I can do it all by myself and don't need any help weather it's true or not. My sister has 4 children and really over uses my parents for child care. Her youngest is 4, the rest are in school and she is still yet to get a real job. Being a full time working mother I feel so good about myself. Caleb is on a routine and has slept through the night since he was 10 weeks old. We put him to bed at 9:30 or 10, and have to actually wake him up on work days at 5:30 AM. Not many moms can say that, can they?

Last week I took him to get his shots for the first time. It was so weird being at the pediatrician's office - the last time I was there, I was on pins and needles worried about his biliruben results. I think as a mom, you're always on pins and needles when you're getting your child checked out, and no parent wants to see your baby in pain. Caleb was absolutely sweet- he was giggling and laughing at the doctor, he kept flirting with me and was just having a grand ol' time. Such a happy baby! He had grown so much since his 2 week visit! He was 6 pounds 15 oz last time (he lost weight of course) and he was now almost 12 pounds and almost 24 inches long! The doctor said he was going to be very tall and skinny- which we knew because both Dave and myself are tall and skinny (Dave is 6'4...what does that tell you?). In case you were wondering, he HATED his shots and let us know over and over again that night. Not fun at all...

We're gearing up for his first Christmas! We can't wait...so many people are going to shower him with gifts. Pamela is actually having a Christmas party with the kids there (there are 2 little girls she watches all day too) she said Dave will need extra arms to bring them all out to car. It's pretty neat that this time last year we had no idea we'd be so blessed with a precious little boy, this Christmas will be the most special by far!

I will continue to write as much as I can. I'm excited to keep my memories of my son in this blog!